same aged friend Ron sent this to me and I decided to post it as you older
folks will appreciate it and you youngins will have something to look forward
what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint
and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having
already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to
grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing
anyone has ever said to me.
"It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I
turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting
the counter in front of me. Only
$4.68" he said cheerfully.
stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even
60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck
wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was
sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I
strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I
could be that easily distracted! What am
I now? A toddler?
Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind! "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to anyone!"
turned and headed back to the truck. I
slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.
That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my
rear view mirror. Then,
a few other objects came into focus: The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the
floorboard. A partially eaten dough nut
on the dashboard. Faster
than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the
parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That
is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached
to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I
swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant
one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped
in youth and black nail polish. All
I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my
food and drink in here"? At this
point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go
straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo
had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck,
and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left
this in my truck by mistake." I took
the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK.
My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."
of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota
Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm
not too old to be driving this fast.
walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300
speeding ticket. I
promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey. The good news was that I had successfully
found my way home.”
a great day and thanks for stopping by Almost Heaven South.